Death means change

Yes, a rosary AND tarot.*No, nothing is wrong, outside of the normal. I pulled the Death card this morning, which would have the untrained freaking out. It doesn’t mean death though, that is usually the Tower card aka cataclysmic, not-so-happy change. But the Death card is a motivator. It means change is coming…which is why I pulled it.

I got wind of a job lead in the UK yesterday and am applying for it today. I pull the cards when I’m led and one always, quite literally, jumps out at me. Writing for gaming was one of the reasons I took the Creative Writing MFA from Full Sail. The job is a script writing position, one of two, with a game developer. I glanced over it, a pipe dream, till I read that they valued talent over experience. I’m not sure if I am talented enough in that industry, but I’m a quick study and I’m giving it a shot. It’s all a leap of faith. Let’s hope they would allow me to work remotely, otherwise it’s beg to be relocated.

“You are entering a growing phase. Acknowledgement comes slowly. No one will offer a helping hand unless you beg for it. Don’t take no for an answer. Avoid self-pity.”

The idea of moving isn’t a new one. We’ve wanted out of Florida for a long time. My health cannot take the heat or the allergies (bugs mainly) and I miss having a change of seasons, especially this time of year. We have been eyeing three places; Western North Carolina, Colorado (Denver-ish), or Eugene, OR as I have family there. We would need to be relocated via an employer to be able to afford it, so I’ve been looking. If we had to stay in Florida, Jacksonville. My dream home, though, honestly: New York.

“Get rid of some old habits. Stop doing anything that doesn’t feel right for you.”

This has been a theme for a while. I cleared my plate at the end of 2011, already a year of big changes for us with claiming our home, our wedding, and a clearing out of anything that didn’t influence us in a positive way. I took 2012 to regroup, refocus, get my Masters and complete a graduate certificate. I’ve been writing on an almost daily (more-so lately) basis and long for a job where I can use my talents. I’m focusing on the things I love that can help enrich our lives – getting my book(s) finished and uploaded to CreateSpace, designing products for Etsy, and working with hand-lettering (10.00 off a class with link) as well as an ongoing book design gig. I’m also submitting work to a couple of publications and a Christmas greeting card contest.

So we’ll see if the job and a move are in the cards for us. It is all in God’s Hands as to where He wants us, so we’ll just keep praying with an open mind and be ready for the challenge if I’m called. Speaking of motivator, time to consolidate so more and attack my studio! Artsy supply grab bags on Etsy soon…
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The tools of the trade for a Christian-based pagan, I love this little deck. The artwork is fabulous, it reminds me of an old gypsy deck.

Getting with the program

My new sunshiney writing spot.
It’s been my goal for a long-time to blog more. Setting down ideas, sharing the projects of myself and others, making my writing more of a daily practice again. Life tends to sideswipe me, though, and I get distracted. Not hard when you are ADD and self-managing. It’s time to give it a try again, though.

The goal is to blog Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; not only here but on Art for Cures, ArtfulLE, and Kraft Paper Muse. Why so many?

Different crowds, different subjects. 

Art for Cures has gone through the fire and back. Rebuilding slowly from the ashes, it’s going to take a while to recover from my previous mistakes. I know the group has great purpose and potential, though, so I am not yet ready to let it die while there is still interest. The local interest that we have gathered over the years will start meeting once a month at the local library. I am looking forward to an influx of new artists into the group, hoping it will rejuvenate our veteran members, and it give me a chance to be more hands on with everyone.

ArtfulLE is a more personal project for me. I wanted to focus solely on my wellness journey without bogging down my main blog. I had posted a few times, not thinking anyone was even reading it, then someone in New Zealand (!!) posted a comment thanking me and letting me know they had shared the post on Facebook. Next thing I knew, I had a following.

Kraft Paper Muse is a culmination of my loves of publishing, tech, and art. The hardest to keep up with by far, solo, the Muse has high and lofty dreams of what it wants to become when it grows up. Being able to see your work in print, even digitally, and offer that opportunity to others is a thrill to say the least. It requires a discipline that I am having to relearn, though, as well as some major ADD management.

Renmeleon, up until now, has been the catchall. A conglomeration of random tidbits and the odd afterthought or soapbox. My goals with this site are to bring it back to its originally intended purpose: My freelance work, sharing what I’ve learned over the years, what inspires me, and forming a jumping off point for all of my other projects. I’m very eclectic in my interests and hope to share that diversity here.

Overall

All-in-all, the purpose of all of this is to get me writing again on a daily basis, get me “arting” again, and get myself back on a schedule of management (not as easy). I’m using my Monday, Wednesday, Friday as my “public” writing days (blogging) and my Tuesdays and Thursdays for project days. As I did today, I spent the morning hand-writing my posts in a spiral bound notebook, 11 pages for today’s, then transcribed them in the evening after I’ve had the day to reflect on all of it.

We’ll see how long I can pull it off. /fingerscrossed See you in two days!

IBHWIO

I won’t get into a long rant about what my beliefs are and why, but someone asked me whether or not I would be following the election tomorrow. Probably, was my response as I knew they were baiting me to see what my opinion was on who should be in office. My basic mantra right now, though: “I’ll be happy when it’s over.” Maybe.

I’m right there with little Abigael.

 

On Being Real

This was posted on BlogHer tonight and I wanted to share it with you all here. The “enemies” comment had to do with a comment I had left for someone on the boards. I am very much a believer in being straight up with people. Life is too short to be otherwise.

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This is my first blog post here, and I may already have enemies.

Limiting Time Gives You Perspective

One of the things that I learned early on in life was that you have to stay true to yourself. Your decisions, your actions, your inaction, you have to live with them. All of them.

This becomes even more important when you add in something that could take your life at any moment.

When I became a mom 11 years ago, I made a choice to become the person that I truly wanted to be. No matter how long it took. I accepted that fact that I am an imperfect being, but decided not to allow that imperfection to keep me from trying no matter how I failed.

I am the legacy that I leave my daughter, me, so I will never stop trying to:

  • Live a creative daily life.
  • Pass on to my daughter, and those around me, anything that I have been blessed with in my life…Knowledge. Food. Support. Love. Joy.
  • Remain true to my self and what I believe.
  • Live in kindness.
  • Spread compassion.
  • Spread awareness for the things that matter.
  • Never give up hope, for myself and for the sake of those I love.

And I will never stop trying.

I’m not perfect, far from it, but I’m real. I have good days and bad, just like everyone else, and I don’t think I am anything special. I’m just, well. Me. Those who know me always know where they stand. With that in mind, never ask me my opinion unless you want the truth, I don’t sugarcoat. Those who don’t know me, seldom interpret me correctly; mostly because they judge me on the agenda’s of others.

But that is part of being real.

The Skin Horse
Wellness is more than just being healthy on the physically. Being well andwhole mentally and emotionally is just as important.
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. 

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

Being real isn’t easy. It doesn’t always get the popular vote. It is raw, gritty, sometimes unpleasant, but it is that truth that you can hold onto at the end of the day. That knowing that you were you, and not something you were trying to be just so that someone else was comfortable with it. I like being comfortable in my own skin, and I like others who are too, or who are at least trying to be real too.

Being accepted for who and what you are is so much more rewarding than trying to lug around an arsenal of masks that you have to switch out to please everyone.

Life can be an all stress diet, especially right now with our media being overrun with politcal ads and all of us worrying who or what will be controlling our lives for the next four years. I, personally, will be so happy when it is OVER. The not-knowing drives me nuts.

That aside, I know stress all too well having just graduated at 43 with my 1st of two Masters, being currently enrolled in a graduate certificate program, homeschooling, running a nonprofit, juggling the unpleasantries of systemic health issues, and trying to work on all of my own projects (including the continuation of my thesis) in order to help my husband make bills. So with all of that, I like having a community of women I can communicate with who are just as strong, stubborn, and creative as I am.

Being Like Water

One of the movies that my husband and I like to watch is Memoirs of a Geisha. I love its cadence and the underlying stillness that surfaces at times. One of my most favorite quotes is something that rings true in my life.

“But she (my mother) told me I was like water…
Water can carve its way through stone. 

And when trapped, water makes a new path.”

I found out after my first marriage at 18 (no kids) that life was all about adapting to change. Being able to adapt, learn, and grow are things I want to pass on to my daughter. I want her to be strong, independent, and true to herself. I want her to be able to live through her mistakes and take away something of value from every one. It is my hope that she will learn from my own mistakes, but I know that the truth of it is that she will still have to make her own. She will know, though, that no matter what, I am here for her and that nothing will keep me from loving her, supportive or tough. She has her own paths to carve and I can only hope that she learns from water.

Wading Through the Floodwaters

We all have our stories. Things we have lived through, things that we have learned from and survived. Things that may only ring true to us and have made us stronger and (hopefully) have taught us how to stand up, firmly rooted, and be ready for when the next wave comes through.

So steady your feet and look up. The stars are out, and there is a sunrise coming.

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Sources:

Golden, Arthur. (2005) Memoirs of a Geisha.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397535/ 

Williams, Margery. (1988) The Velveteen Rabbit. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/326937-what-is-real-asked-the-velveteen-rabbit-one-day-does